My Free Advice to Imus

Originally published 4-12-07

How to pull your foot out of your mouth

By Kelvin Wade

Radio shock jock Don Imus' inflammatory description of the Rutgers women's basketball team has led civil rights groups like the NAACP and NOW to call for his firing. Imus has been suspended for two weeks from his radio program.

Firing at this point would be overkill and pointless. Shock jocks are fired all the time. What happens to them? They're picked up by another station and pretty much do the same show they got fired for to begin with.

Let listeners vote with their radio dials. Newsmakers, especially black ones, could boycott his show.

What I'm shocked by is the fools caught in these PR disasters still don't know how to handle them.

First, if you want to make sport of those outside your race, gender, class, sexual orientation, religion and so forth then just realize that you're walking through a minefield blindfolded. Sacha Baron Cohen got away with all those anti-Semitic jokes in "Borat" because he's Jewish. That's the rule and we know it. I didn't set up the rules.

Now, if you say something stupid that blows up in your face, stop talking. Mel Gibson initially issued a lame apology after his anti-Semitic rant. Michael Richards went on Letterman of all places and conveyed the message that he may not be in possession of his faculties. Imus went on the Al Sharpton radio show and ended up using the phrase "you people" in his defense.

So, stop talking. You've already proven that you can't control your mouth.

Go and meet privately with the aggrieved parties if they are specific individuals. Go without cameras. Sincerely apologize and offer to make amends.

Then go before the cameras and apologize publicly. Don't issue the press release apology because that looks like you can't be bothered and you probably didn't even write it. You need to do the public apology on camera so the cable news channels will have something to air 2,000 times along with the original audio or video of your stupid remark. That way, at least your apology will appear in the same segment. Answer all of the asinine questions you get for as long as reporters ask them. That public flogging is part of your penance.

If your remark was about African-Americans, don't go on the Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson show. Don't go on BET like Sen. Trent Lott did when he got caught uttering his true feelings about Strom Thurmond in public.

Don't look for a surrogate or some self-appointed leader. If you insult me, don't apologize to Al. Just do the press conference. Black folks will see it. Look, if I didn't see or hear you on black TV or radio before your meltdown, I don't want to see you there afterwards.

And finally, don't check into rehab if it's questionable rehab. Isaiah Washington, who made homophobic slurs, went into anti-gay rehab. Evangelist Ted Haggard, who had meth-fueled homosexual sex, went into "rehab" and now claims he's straight. If you do have genuine substance abuse issues, go into rehab without fanfare and cameras. After all, it's supposed to be about you.

Now of course, the best thing would be not to make stupid remarks to begin with. You don't have to say everything you think. But if you're a public figure and find yourself in hot water, just follow my plan and move on.