Valentine's Day Treat




Love can be a fun, if not bumpy, ride
By Kelvin Wade
Published February 14, 2008

As the only unmarried Wade brother, I know you’re thinking that I walk around with a stick just beating off the voluptuous women who throw themselves at me. But ladies, the truth of the matter is Kelvin “Byg Datty” Wade is taken. In honor of Valentine’s Day today, I’m going to share how it happened.

In 1996, America Online moved to unlimited dial up internet service and I was online 24/7. I searched online profiles until I found Catherine Barrett, someone who sounded interesting, and lived in Sacramento. I emailed her and we began chatting online and a little later, on the phone.

In January 1997, she wanted to meet here at Marie Callender's. We made plans to meet the following day. But a funny thing happened on the way to the pie place. I lost my nerve. To this day, she claims I stood her up. I actually did call her and leave a message that I couldn’t make it but her answering machine screwed up.

Okay, I left the message after she’d left the house so I guess one could say I stood her up. I was new to this online thing. What can I say? I freaked.

After standing her up, I did the manly thing and…uh… hid from her online. I knew she’d be ticked, a woman scorned and all.

When she spotted me online two weeks later, she let me have it with both barrels. She spoke to me the way a drill instructor talks to a private. It was the closest thing to a cyber castration and had me wondering if she’d ever driven trucks or been a sailor.

But she gave me another chance. We continued writing to each other and talking on the phone. I suggested we try meeting again. She was rightfully skeptical but I assured her I would show.

She was coming off a relationship to a man who’d lied about his marital status. I was wrapping up a relationship with Satan’s sister. Neither one of us was looking to get involved with anybody. Little did we know we’d be rebounding better than Dennis Rodman.

We agreed to meet at one of my old hangouts. J.J. North’s Grand Buffet (now Hometown Buffet). Hey, this wasn’t supposed to be a romantic dinner. We were just meeting as friends, or so I thought. When the curvaceous Cathi sauntered up in a blue polka dot dress, white hat and big smile, I turned into a clichéd stuttering tub of goo.

Knowing I collect hippos, she brought me an armload of quality hippo merchandise. I gave her a stuffed hippo.

Turns out she was as nervous as I was, spilling a glass of water in her lap and accidentally smearing salad dressing on my arm.

A planned brief dinner turned into four hours of conversation, a slow walk in the parking lot at closing time and lots of soft kisses.

I went over to my brother Orvis’ place afterwards to tell him and his wife Patty about my ‘date’. Patty wanted me to explain the secret of my mojo with women. Right. Men have died trying to obtain that information.

But seriously all I can say is it’s nearly 11 years later and thanks to a lovely woman obviously lowering her standards and giving me a second chance, she’s still my Valentine. Peace.

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NOTES: It was a self-indulgent week. Hey, I've been cranking out columns consistently for going on 16 years so I'm due a few self-indulgent columns. Plus, my brother Tony got free passes to the Sacramento Love Jam concert at Arco Arena last week ostensibly to review it for the paper but really just wanted to score tickets for he and his wife so he could have a cheap Valentine's Day present for her. So I'll use everything at my disposal to put a smile on my S.O.'s face.

There was more to the story of course. Cathi and I started communicating in December of 1996 and planned to meet in January 1997. I had a previous meeting go wrong with someone on the Internet earlier that month so it left a bad taste in my mouth.

I DID call her to tell her I wasn't coming and even had a phone bill to prove I madea one minute call to her phone. But she wasn't home and I knew she wouldn't get the message before traveling to the Marie Callender's. What can I say? I was chickenshit.

I didn't include that I deleted my screen name. Hey, I knew I'd done the wrong thing and was ashamed (and scared). So she didn't have any way to contact me. We'd spoken on the phone but I had her number. She didn't have mine.

I reappeared online with a similar screen name because I just couldn't stay away from her. I missed her.

And because she has a big heart, I'm still around to tell the tale.

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If you care to venture to The Other Side DR blog, you'll find entries on spending cuts and the new WalMart Supercenter Suisun City has approved.
CLICK HERE

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My brother Tony wades in to a CD review in the Wading In blog. He reviews the new disc by Robert Plant and Allison Krauss. CLICK HERE

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