Molesting Joe Camel

Why would anyone beat a camel?

By Kelvin Wade | | May 07, 2008 16:10

What the heck is wrong with mankind?

Twenty-four-year-old, unemployed Christopher Allen allegedly accepted a dare from friends to climb into a dromedary exhibit at Six Flags in Vallejo and slap the smallest camel on the butt. After the silly deed, Allen reportedly bolted park security and fled with alleged accomplice Chrissy E. Thatcher, 22.

It begs the question of just what is going on in your life when you find yourself in a camel exhibit slapping one of the beasts on the posterior?

Please use the 'excuse du jour' that you were inebriated or on drugs or somehow out of your right mind. I mean, at age 24 are your life decisions really dictated by the tenet of double-dog dares? You couldn't have spent the day looking for a job, maybe?

And for Ms. Thatcher, were your childhood dreams to be the alleged getaway driver for a camel beater?

Camels are amazing animals. They've been domesticated for 3,000 years now. They store fat in their humps which lets them go months without eating and a week without water. They have double eyelashes and a protective film over the eyeballs to protect them from sand. Their nostrils can close during sandstorms. Their dung can even be used for fuel.

Or they can be simple fodder for butt-slapping dares.

It's amazing that anyone would think to do something like this since last Christmas when a young man lost his life to the jaws and paws of a 350-pound tiger at the San Francisco Zoo after the big cat apparently leapt from its enclosure. Only the two survivors know whether the tiger was taunted or not.

I'd put Allen in a category of a petty nuisance offender. It reminds me of the case last week, in Fort Worth, Texas, where a 21-year-old man walked into a bank and tried to cash a check for $360,000,000,000. That's $360 billion.

The first thing society needs to do is make sure someone like this can't reproduce. MENSA isn't likely to ever receive an application from them. These are people whose last words are likely to be, 'Hey, watch this . . .'

It would have been poetic justice for one of the camels to burp up some of their partially digested cud from one of their four-stomachs and douse the perpetrator with it, something camels are known to do when feeling threatened.

Of course, it's not always funny when someone does something stupid with animals. A couple of weeks ago someone shot a goose in the head with a dart in Lagoon Valley Park in Vacaville. It's the sick and the stupid that seemingly work hand-in-hand to make the world a darker place.

If I was the judge in this case and Allen was convicted of this misdemeanor, I think the appropriate punishment would be to hand him a shovel and send him back to Six Flags. I would say, 'Since you like getting up close and personal with the animals and you're unemployed, I've got a job for you to do.'

Peace.

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NOTES: Who would do something like this? This is like real life cow tipping. i wish the camels would've bit the crap out of the guy. I've really come to believe that sterilization is the way to go with these idiots. I don't have any scientific studies to back me up, but I just know that the stupider you are, for some reason, the more fertile you are. Anecdotally, you see this on Jerry Springer and Maury Povich every day. Idiots can breed like bunnies for some reason. And unfortunately, they're bringing up the next generations idiots. For two morons who couple, the odds of them NOT giving birth to a submoron is astronomical. I mean, I don't know who Albert Einstein's parents were, but I know they weren't people who slapped camels on the ass or tried to cash checks worth billions.

In a political frame of mind, you can check out my DR BLOG where I let Billary know its over.

Also, at the WADING IN BLOG, I saw goodbye to Polaroid.