Because someone has to do it....
I was out of town...out of state...out of country..last week. I wrote a column remotely and it ran on schedule in the Daily Republic. Here is that column.
Column research is a grueling affair
By Kelvin Wade | | March 12, 2009 21:22
I'm writing this column more than a thousand miles from Fairfield, off the coast of Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, resting on the aft adult pool deck of the Carnival Pride.
It's mostly sunny and warm as I watch dozens of white folks sprawled upon deck chairs and slathering themselves with lotion trying to achieve the delicious caramel complexion the Good Lord blessed me with at birth. So what am I doing out here in the Pacific? Would you believe that it's all for you?
When I watch fat Americans lumber bovine-like through the buffet, pushing ginormous trays of food that would feed a Somali family for a week, a thought crosses my mind. It's the same thought that I think when I see all of the sagging breasts on display beside the Lido Deck pool (and I'm just talking about the men!)
It's the same thought that comes to mind when I see cruisers buying gold by the inch, bidding on art, booking shore excursions and shopping in the stores onboard.
And that thought is: Don't you folks know there's a recession going on?
Hello, we're borrowing money from the Chinese to spend with the Saudis. We're bailing out companies with money we don't really have. The national jobless rate is 8.1 percent. In California, it's 10.1 percent. People are losing their homes. A great day for most Americans is not being laid off. So what the heck are you doing on vacation?
In my case the answer is in that previous paragraph. If I wasn't here sitting poolside sipping drinks the names of which I can't pronounce, eating lobster, being pampered by wonderful, overworked and underpaid employees from Third World nations, I'd probably be losing what little mind I have left stressing over the mortgage, worrying about the economy or being driven clear up the wall by my unpredictable Beagle brothers.
That and I booked the cruise long before economic Armageddon set in.
Look at it this way; I'm also doing this for each and every person reading these words. When I attend the Hairy Chest or belly-flop contest on the Lido Deck, I'm expanding my cultural arts awareness, which is important in a community that's seen its arts funding slashed.
When I stretch out with my iPod and a margarita by the pool in the sunshine or see a gray whale breaching in the Pacific, I'm studying global climate change and its effect on the ecology so I can write on the issue with more authority.
When I read on my private balcony, I'm expanding my knowledge on various subjects that you will benefit from in future columns.
If my lunch consists of a Blue Margarita, a couple Long Island Ice Teas and a Corona, there's zero chance of me driving on a Fairfield street!
Look, some Fairfield City Council members take taxpayer funded trips to Washington, D.C., to lobby on behalf of the city. Why? We have telephones, videoconferencing,
e-mail and fax capability, so I don't know why any Fairfielder should have to pick up the tab for a flight, hotel and food for anyone to go to Washington to ask for money we don't have.
At least my trip to Mexico, which you all will benefit from, didn't cost you a penny.
By the way, by the time you read this, I should be snuggling with my honey on the beach in Mazatlan. Do you see the lengths I'm willing to go to for my loyal readers? Peace.
It's mostly sunny and warm as I watch dozens of white folks sprawled upon deck chairs and slathering themselves with lotion trying to achieve the delicious caramel complexion the Good Lord blessed me with at birth. So what am I doing out here in the Pacific? Would you believe that it's all for you?
When I watch fat Americans lumber bovine-like through the buffet, pushing ginormous trays of food that would feed a Somali family for a week, a thought crosses my mind. It's the same thought that I think when I see all of the sagging breasts on display beside the Lido Deck pool (and I'm just talking about the men!)
It's the same thought that comes to mind when I see cruisers buying gold by the inch, bidding on art, booking shore excursions and shopping in the stores onboard.
And that thought is: Don't you folks know there's a recession going on?
Hello, we're borrowing money from the Chinese to spend with the Saudis. We're bailing out companies with money we don't really have. The national jobless rate is 8.1 percent. In California, it's 10.1 percent. People are losing their homes. A great day for most Americans is not being laid off. So what the heck are you doing on vacation?
In my case the answer is in that previous paragraph. If I wasn't here sitting poolside sipping drinks the names of which I can't pronounce, eating lobster, being pampered by wonderful, overworked and underpaid employees from Third World nations, I'd probably be losing what little mind I have left stressing over the mortgage, worrying about the economy or being driven clear up the wall by my unpredictable Beagle brothers.
That and I booked the cruise long before economic Armageddon set in.
Look at it this way; I'm also doing this for each and every person reading these words. When I attend the Hairy Chest or belly-flop contest on the Lido Deck, I'm expanding my cultural arts awareness, which is important in a community that's seen its arts funding slashed.
When I stretch out with my iPod and a margarita by the pool in the sunshine or see a gray whale breaching in the Pacific, I'm studying global climate change and its effect on the ecology so I can write on the issue with more authority.
When I read on my private balcony, I'm expanding my knowledge on various subjects that you will benefit from in future columns.
If my lunch consists of a Blue Margarita, a couple Long Island Ice Teas and a Corona, there's zero chance of me driving on a Fairfield street!
Look, some Fairfield City Council members take taxpayer funded trips to Washington, D.C., to lobby on behalf of the city. Why? We have telephones, videoconferencing,
e-mail and fax capability, so I don't know why any Fairfielder should have to pick up the tab for a flight, hotel and food for anyone to go to Washington to ask for money we don't have.
At least my trip to Mexico, which you all will benefit from, didn't cost you a penny.
By the way, by the time you read this, I should be snuggling with my honey on the beach in Mazatlan. Do you see the lengths I'm willing to go to for my loyal readers? Peace.
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