The Other Side Column for April 9, 2009

Parents should police kids' cell phone use

By Kelvin Wade | | April 09, 2009 16:34

Have you peeked at your child's cell phone lately? Some people prefer to surreptitiously look and see what their child is up to, while others, like my Cathi, won't hesitate to ask for her granddaughter's cell phone to examine right in front of her. Either way, parents should inspect these devices.

When you buy your child a cell phone, before giving it to them, you should read the user guide from cover to cover. Why? Because you need to know how that phone operates. You need to know how to check e-mail, text, take photos, and look at photos and videos. Too many parents give their child a phone and have no idea how it works.

I imagine many parents (and teens) would feel it's a violation of privacy to go through a child's cell phone. But parents aren't running a democracy. Parenthood is a benevolent dictatorship and a child's safety should trump their privacy.

Look at their address book. Parents should ask their child who their contacts are. You don't know if those phone numbers were obtained from strangers over the Internet. You shouldn't be afraid to even call a number you're suspicious of.

Provided your child hasn't erased their text messages, you should look at them. You need to makes sure your child isn't doing something risky or dangerous.

There are some phone services that allow every text message your child sends to also be sent to the parent's phone.

Parents shouldn't be afraid to look at the photos and videos their child has shot on the phone. The big thing now is 'sexting' where kids share nude photos of themselves with boyfriends, girlfriends and friends. There could be evidence of drinking, drug use or other inappropriate behavior on the phone. Teens seem to love documenting the silly things they do.

This isn't new. While we didn't have cell phones when my friends and I were young and wild, we would take a camcorder with us to Lake Berryessa and film ourselves acting like morons. If we'd had camera phones back then, we would've used them.

The point of this isn't to be a wet blanket for your kids. If your child is drinking alcohol, doing drugs, having unsafe sex or secretly dating someone in their 20s, wouldn't you want to know? If there's video evidence of a crime, wouldn't you want to know that as well? There could be information on there that helps you help them.

Giving your child a phone should be a privilege and responsibility. A responsible parent needs to be just as inquisitive with a cell phone as they are with their child's computer and Internet use. Times have changed.

There are good reasons for kids to have cell phones. They're good for emergencies, for changes of plans and for parents being able to reach them. And of course there's nothing wrong with talking to friends, texting and playing games or listening to music on the phone when it's appropriate.

But parents still have to parent.

Of course, some parents will say they would never violate their child's privacy or they have such a wonderfully open relationship they can rely on their child to tell them if anything is wrong. Great. I hope so, for your child's sake. Peace.

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