NO BULLYING ZONE

Fairfield Daily Republic, October 06, 2011
Protect your kids from bullies
by Kelvin Wade


Last week I drove past a guy who looked like a dude I knew in the eighth grade at Grange Middle School. I didn’t stop the car or turn around to go see because what I remembered about him was that he was a part of a group of guys that bullied kids. In fact, I met some good friends in eighth grade by protecting them from his bullying group.

While these bullies didn’t threaten me physically like they did to other kids, they did start and perpetuate a false rumor that my best friend, Dan, and I were gay. The rumor flew around the school and for about a week, we were whispered about and taunted. Dan couldn’t take it and stayed home the rest of the week. That left me to deal with it by myself.

I mention this because of the parent protest this week at Rodriguez High. Some parents are upset with athletics, academics and an assistant principal they allege to be harassing students. But what caught my attention was Joleen Hagler who was protesting because her son has been bullied for being gay with apparently no resolution from staff. Her son has been home for two weeks. She may place him in independent study because she says he’s been threatened at school.

The subject of bullying, especially of gay students, received national attention due to the numerous high-profile suicides of young people as a result of bullying. Gay teens are at greater risk of suicide than straight teens.

Last month, 14-year-old Jamey Rodemeyer killed himself after being tormented at school and the Internet. Ironically, his death came after he had posted an “It gets better” video online. The It Gets Better Project is an anti-bullying campaign where celebrities and average citizens upload videos to http://www.itgetsbetter.org encouraging and supporting victims of bullying.

In my years of working with the Bay Area Survivors of Suicide, the most inconsolable people who would come to our meetings were parents of children who had completed suicide. It is a horrific club that doesn’t want new members.

It’s tempting to dismiss bullying as a right of passage. To be sure, teasing and name-calling are unpleasant, but common features of growing up. Learning how to cope with bullies or standing up to them are important social skills one develops.

But we’re not talking about the typical juvenile ribbing and banter. Today’s bullying can be much more insidious due to the difference in technology. Now with a text message or post on a social networking site, rumors can start and people can be libeled on a massive scale. And the cyber bullying tormenters can be anonymous.

I was ostracized and taunted for a week in the eighth grade before the rumors blew over. I couldn’t imagine if that was a daily occurrence. That’s not taunting. It’s tormenting.

If teachers and/or the administration don’t rectify the problem, parents should get more hands-on, like Joleen Hagler. If my grandkids were being bullied daily, I’m going to end up sitting in their classroom. Do what it takes.

We don’t allow harassment in the workplace. It shouldn’t be permitted in school. No child should be tormented and hounded in school and online until they can see no way out other than taking their life. Peace.
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Additional Notes: I was never a bully. I was bigger than most kids but still I wasn't a bully. When I was in 7th grade me and my younger brother Scott were jumped by three guys. I was walking Scott home from elementary school. They didn't do anything to Scott but they kicked and punched me. I went home and told my older brothers, Orvis and Ken what happened. They got into Orvis' car and left. To this day I don't know what they did. All I know is when I met those guys in the future, they apologized.

And that's what I believe. Bullies need a dose of their own medicine whenever possible. Like I said, if I were in a situation where my grandkids' father was overseas and they were being bullied and the school didn't do anything about it...I'll handling the situation. I'd be sitting in that classroom. I'd be at that school. Of course I say that schools should handle it. But if they won't, parents have to advocate for their children.

Like I say in the article, there's a lot of ribbing and talking crap that goes on in schools. That's a given. Kids are kids. But when it becomes a situation where it's tormenting day after day to the point where a child doesn't feel safe to go to school...that's over the line.

The world would be a better place if parents didn't raise assholes and gave their kids a lil home training.