A Thanksgiving stream of consciousness
Thursday, November 22, 2012
This is how I do Thanksgiving
By Kelvin Wade
From page A13 | November 22, 2012 | 2 Comments
This is a stream of consciousness about a truly great American holiday, Thanksgiving.
If you can’t think of anything to be thankful for, let’s start with the fact that there’s air in your lungs and you’re not 6 feet under. Too often, especially in today’s shaky economy, we focus on what we don’t have instead of valuing what we do have. So if you go around your table this Thanksgiving, asking each person to mention something they’re thankful for and someone hesitates, smack him or her upside the head because there are lots of folks who’d love to be sitting at that dinner table in their place.
I caught myself once thinking about what a hassle cooking dinner was going to be. It’s hard preparing so many dishes and having them all hot and ready at the same time. But then I had to smack myself upside the head. That’s a First World problem if there ever was one: How am I going to cook all of this food?
Along that line, if you’re dealing with the holiday blahs, the quickest way to pull yourself out is to do something for someone. My Cathi left the house this morning with a Thanksgiving dinner to give to a needy family. The feeling you get is better than a plate of leftovers late on Thanksgiving night. Just do what you can.
One major blessing this year is that Lauryn and Vika’s dad arrived home safely from Afghanistan this week, so he’s going to be able to join us for the lovely Thanksgiving feast. He says his experience in Afghanistan made him miss being in Iraq. Ouch. We’re just glad he’s here and will be able to help dismantle this bird.
Speaking of the bird, we have a massive turkey this year. It’s like a mutant turkey from Chernobyl Farms. From the looks of this bird, humans aren’t the only ones dealing with obesity. And I know that Sir Paul McCartney is fronting a PETA campaign urging folks to have a meatless holiday season. If you’re a vegan or vegetarian, go ahead and feast on that tofurkey and tree bark and other natural foods that would make Euell Gibbons drool.
But of the 45 million turkeys PETA laments that are killed at Thanksgiving, you can best believe one of them will be on my table roasted to perfection, awaiting mastication from my mighty mandibles.
Yes, Thanksgiving isn’t much without family. We never had that stereotypical crazy drunken uncle who would show up and embarrass himself during the holidays. OK, we did have a crazy drunken uncle but at least he only showed up via telephone slurring his salutations. Another good thing is that my family gets along very well so it’s not a situation where one has to walk on eggshells for fear of the dinner turning into an episode of “Maury.”
Unfortunately, I won’t be spending this glorious holiday with my brothers. I won’t have the opportunity to sample Tony’s feeble Charlie Brown-like attempts to prepare a Thanksgiving dinner or risk illness by eating a sumptuous feast prepared by my brother Orvis’ wife, Typhoid Patty.
My younger brother Scott, who lives in Canada and has dual citizenship, used to celebrate both the Canadian and American Thanksgivings. Now he and his family of communists only observe the Canadian holiday. I just want him to know that I’m calling the Department of Homeland Security and telling them to keep an eye on him.
We’ll certainly get together during the next holiday. (I’m not mentioning the next holiday’s name because it encroaches on Thanksgiving enough.) I’ve got surprises galore in store for them.
I wish you all the best no matter how you celebrate this most festive holiday. Happy Thanksgiving. Peace.
This is how I do Thanksgiving
By Kelvin Wade
This is a stream of consciousness about a truly great American holiday, Thanksgiving.
If you can’t think of anything to be thankful for, let’s start with the fact that there’s air in your lungs and you’re not 6 feet under. Too often, especially in today’s shaky economy, we focus on what we don’t have instead of valuing what we do have. So if you go around your table this Thanksgiving, asking each person to mention something they’re thankful for and someone hesitates, smack him or her upside the head because there are lots of folks who’d love to be sitting at that dinner table in their place.
I caught myself once thinking about what a hassle cooking dinner was going to be. It’s hard preparing so many dishes and having them all hot and ready at the same time. But then I had to smack myself upside the head. That’s a First World problem if there ever was one: How am I going to cook all of this food?
Along that line, if you’re dealing with the holiday blahs, the quickest way to pull yourself out is to do something for someone. My Cathi left the house this morning with a Thanksgiving dinner to give to a needy family. The feeling you get is better than a plate of leftovers late on Thanksgiving night. Just do what you can.
One major blessing this year is that Lauryn and Vika’s dad arrived home safely from Afghanistan this week, so he’s going to be able to join us for the lovely Thanksgiving feast. He says his experience in Afghanistan made him miss being in Iraq. Ouch. We’re just glad he’s here and will be able to help dismantle this bird.
Speaking of the bird, we have a massive turkey this year. It’s like a mutant turkey from Chernobyl Farms. From the looks of this bird, humans aren’t the only ones dealing with obesity. And I know that Sir Paul McCartney is fronting a PETA campaign urging folks to have a meatless holiday season. If you’re a vegan or vegetarian, go ahead and feast on that tofurkey and tree bark and other natural foods that would make Euell Gibbons drool.
But of the 45 million turkeys PETA laments that are killed at Thanksgiving, you can best believe one of them will be on my table roasted to perfection, awaiting mastication from my mighty mandibles.
Yes, Thanksgiving isn’t much without family. We never had that stereotypical crazy drunken uncle who would show up and embarrass himself during the holidays. OK, we did have a crazy drunken uncle but at least he only showed up via telephone slurring his salutations. Another good thing is that my family gets along very well so it’s not a situation where one has to walk on eggshells for fear of the dinner turning into an episode of “Maury.”
Unfortunately, I won’t be spending this glorious holiday with my brothers. I won’t have the opportunity to sample Tony’s feeble Charlie Brown-like attempts to prepare a Thanksgiving dinner or risk illness by eating a sumptuous feast prepared by my brother Orvis’ wife, Typhoid Patty.
My younger brother Scott, who lives in Canada and has dual citizenship, used to celebrate both the Canadian and American Thanksgivings. Now he and his family of communists only observe the Canadian holiday. I just want him to know that I’m calling the Department of Homeland Security and telling them to keep an eye on him.
We’ll certainly get together during the next holiday. (I’m not mentioning the next holiday’s name because it encroaches on Thanksgiving enough.) I’ve got surprises galore in store for them.
I wish you all the best no matter how you celebrate this most festive holiday. Happy Thanksgiving. Peace.
Comments