Does everyone get a trophy?
Somewhere along the way, we went off the rails. I believe in self-esteem as much as the next person. I think people should think positively. I think kids should believe they're capable of giving a tremendous effort. I think kids should believe they're capable of doing great things.
With that said, we can't protect them from adversity. We can't give every team a trophy in a tournament. Everyone playing a game shouldn't get a blue ribbon. There are winners and losers. There's a lot of lesson to be learned in losing. It's how winners are made.
Somehow we decided as a society that we don't want kids to feel any pain. It's noble. It's nice. But it's not helpful in the long run because as adults we know that A) life is not fair and B) life can be painful. It's better that those lessons are learned growing up so we don't have a generation of adults with unrealistic expectations.
No, everyone can't be the next American Idol. Only a fraction of kids are going to grow up to be professional athletes. Kids need to know that desire alone isn't enough. Hell, desire and ability isn't always enough.
In gym classes we have teachers picking sports teams. Why? To protect the kids who would be chosen last from feeling bad. Believe me, it sucks to be chosen last. I remember getting picked last for softball in PE. I can look back at it and see that hey, I was a slow runner. I could get gunned out at first base from the outfield and I caught the ball only a little better than Stevie Wonder would. It made sense that they wouldn't want me. It still hurt at the time. Sometimes it's just the unpopular kids who are picked last. A savvy teacher can make up for that by appointing those geeks as the team captains.
The point is...we can't go around sugarcoating life and dumbing everything down to protect our kids' feelings. They need disappointment. It sounds harsh but adversity will help them more in the long run than all of the fake trophies in the world.
I get through hard times by comparing it to similar situations I'd gotten through in the past. I can use those negative experiences. Kids can, too.
I know we want to stimulate our kids to dream. We want them to shoot for the stars. But I think we can learn from an episode of Andrew "Dice" Clay's new reality series on VH1. You remember the vulgar Diceman who ruled comedy in the late 80's, early 90's? He sold out arenas, not nightclubs. Arenas. He was a big star. Then his career went into the toilet. He's trying to climb back on top and his new reality series is documenting his attempted comeback. In one episode he goes to his agent and tells him his dream is to play Giants Stadium. Giants Stadium is a football stadium. It has a seating capacity of 80,000 people. His agent shook his head. Dice said, "Hey, I got a dream. That's my dream." And his agent said, "Dice, you've got to be able to tell the difference between a dream and a fantasy."
And there it is right there. We all have goals and dreams. We've got to make sure they're dreams and not pipe dreams. Not fantasies. Sometimes you have to be brutally honest with someone and let them know they're wasting their time. It frees them to pursue something realistic that they're great at.
No more pussification of education.
With that said, we can't protect them from adversity. We can't give every team a trophy in a tournament. Everyone playing a game shouldn't get a blue ribbon. There are winners and losers. There's a lot of lesson to be learned in losing. It's how winners are made.
Somehow we decided as a society that we don't want kids to feel any pain. It's noble. It's nice. But it's not helpful in the long run because as adults we know that A) life is not fair and B) life can be painful. It's better that those lessons are learned growing up so we don't have a generation of adults with unrealistic expectations.
No, everyone can't be the next American Idol. Only a fraction of kids are going to grow up to be professional athletes. Kids need to know that desire alone isn't enough. Hell, desire and ability isn't always enough.
In gym classes we have teachers picking sports teams. Why? To protect the kids who would be chosen last from feeling bad. Believe me, it sucks to be chosen last. I remember getting picked last for softball in PE. I can look back at it and see that hey, I was a slow runner. I could get gunned out at first base from the outfield and I caught the ball only a little better than Stevie Wonder would. It made sense that they wouldn't want me. It still hurt at the time. Sometimes it's just the unpopular kids who are picked last. A savvy teacher can make up for that by appointing those geeks as the team captains.
The point is...we can't go around sugarcoating life and dumbing everything down to protect our kids' feelings. They need disappointment. It sounds harsh but adversity will help them more in the long run than all of the fake trophies in the world.
I get through hard times by comparing it to similar situations I'd gotten through in the past. I can use those negative experiences. Kids can, too.
I know we want to stimulate our kids to dream. We want them to shoot for the stars. But I think we can learn from an episode of Andrew "Dice" Clay's new reality series on VH1. You remember the vulgar Diceman who ruled comedy in the late 80's, early 90's? He sold out arenas, not nightclubs. Arenas. He was a big star. Then his career went into the toilet. He's trying to climb back on top and his new reality series is documenting his attempted comeback. In one episode he goes to his agent and tells him his dream is to play Giants Stadium. Giants Stadium is a football stadium. It has a seating capacity of 80,000 people. His agent shook his head. Dice said, "Hey, I got a dream. That's my dream." And his agent said, "Dice, you've got to be able to tell the difference between a dream and a fantasy."
And there it is right there. We all have goals and dreams. We've got to make sure they're dreams and not pipe dreams. Not fantasies. Sometimes you have to be brutally honest with someone and let them know they're wasting their time. It frees them to pursue something realistic that they're great at.
No more pussification of education.
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