Shoot Me Now! 

"Oh, my, looky there
Stone cold, foxy platinum hair
Short skirt, barely there
Make a chick wanna hate, make a boy wanna stare
Well...

Miss Hilton, you must be worth a trillion bucks
Get the feeling that you don't really give a fuck
"
---"Hey Miss Hilton" by Penfifteen Club

I'm not hatin' on Paris. Hell yes I am. How? Why? There are plenty of bimbos out there to despise. Britney Spears comes to mind. But at least Britney has some measure of talent. The fact that Paris Hilton is famous for being Paris Hilton is reason enough to despise her. But it's also the fact that she appears to revel in her own stupidity. It's disgusting to see someone worth millions live an inconsequential life. And I can't listen to her talk about jail being traumatic and being strip searched was humiliating blah, blah, blah..because there's a way to avoid all that. Don't break the freakin' law! Most of us would concur that jail is a bad place and being strip searched would be humiliating but most Americans wouldn't know that from personal experience because we don't break the freakin' law!!

I really got the idea of Paris Hilton credits seeing her covered on CNN. CNN used to be a respected news organization back when Bernard Shaw anchored it. It had gravitas...which is Italian for balls, I think. But it's been a race to the bottom with this blonde bimbo. Who cares if she goes to jail for three weeks? Actor Tom Sizemore was just sentenced to 16 months in prison (it's since been reduced to 4 1/2 months). Sizemore has appeared in such films as Born on the Fourth of July, True Romance, Heat and Saving Private Ryan. Yet his incarceration gets virtually no coverage. Not that I think either one of their cases deserves a lot of coverage.

In the column I had fun with the idea of Paris Hilton credits but I wanted people to think at the same time. I particularly loved the line "Paris Hilton is Damien Thorn in Prada shoes." I figured that even those who wouldn't catch the reference of "Damien Thorn" might think of "the Devil Wears Prada" and then be reminded that Damien Thorn was the antichrist in the Omen movies. I just thought it was a clever way to call her the antichrist.

I also liked the Sally Struthers line. The original line was, "Or buy one of those kids Sally Struthers used to sell on late night TV." I thought that was really funny but could across as harsh because she wasn't really selling children. I changed it to "Or support one of those kids in developing countries that Sally Struthers used to promote on late night TV." That didn't sound funny. So I changed it to it's current form of "Or buy one of those kids in developing countries that Sally Struthers used to hawk on late night TV." "Buy" and "hawk" sounded funny to me.

No, I didn't watch Paris' interview on Larry King Live. It would've cost me another donation. But I've read reviews of the show and one reviewer referred to her as a 'mannequin.' Not surprising. There's nothing there, folks. Nothing to see here. Move on.

As if I need more reasons to dislike this airhead, here's clip shot at a house party of Paris Hilton dancing with a friend. Listen as she says, "We're like two n----!" Nice, Paris. Now go away.


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