Spend Like A True American


Will The Rebate Check Trick Work?
By Kelvin Wade

Published 1-31-08

This week the House of Representatives passed a $146 billion economic stimulus package that would give individuals rebate checks of $600 and couples $1200. Each kid will earn you another $300. Now the bill moves on to the Senate. Lawmakers are hoping the money will go from the mailbox through our hands directly to retailers to jumpstart the economy. The government is saying, “Here’s some money. Go blow it.”


I’m not an economist. But I have to tell you, I don’t know how much stimulating these rebate checks are going to do. With times as tight as they are and consumer confidence falling this month, who wants to blow a wad of cash?


For instance, a rebate check would be wasted on my friend Joyce. I’ve seen her have to wrestle money out of her own hand just to pay a cashier in a supermarket. If you give her $600, it will only stimulate her to take it to BofA and toss it in her bank account.


I’m that way, too. One time my buddy Dan and I went to Reno for the weekend. He loves to gamble. (I don’t mind gambling, just not with my money.) He parked himself at a dollar slot machine and within three pulls of the lever, won $250. A few more pulls and he hit another $250. He grabbed a bucket and scooped up a bucket load of tokens. He handed them to me.


“Take these and play that machine over there,” he directed.


I took the bucket of tokens directly to the cashier and cashed out. A bird in the hand, man…


Now, if you could clone my brother Tony a few million times and get those checks out to him today, those Tonys would have us turned around economically by this weekend. He’s greeted at Best Buy the way Norm was on “Cheers.” His Costco Super Bowl snack tab alone would rival the GDP of a South American nation. Money slips through his fingers like bad takeout through an irritable bowel.


In 2001, the government didn’t give rebates to people without earned income. This time, those who have earned at least three grand will get a check. But without ticking off the people who will start whining about wealth redistribution, if the point is to get people to spend money, doesn’t it make sense to give it to the poorest, most irresponsible among us?


Those just scraping by are far more likely to take that money to the store for Pampers, Similac and yes, booze and cigarettes. That suburban soccer mom isn’t just going to blow a grand just to get the economy moving. But Roscoe hanging out outside the liquor store scratching lottery tickets and drinking from a paper bag will have that money back in circulation in record time.


Put six hundred dollar checks into the hands of teenagers and the cash registers at stores in the mall may very well overheat from use.


What a country. It seems the only thing that is ever asked of us is to go shopping. And if you don’t have enough money to go shopping, the government will send you a check to go shopping.


While I’m normally pretty frugal, I want to do my civic duty this time. So if you’re inclined to save your money or pay off debt and can’t seem to get into the whole spending stimulus thing, please sign your check over to me. God bless America. Peace.


THis week, I wrote a little tongue in cheek blog about Suisun recommending a new Walmart Supercenter for their city. My brother Orvis is on the Suisun Planning Commission and voted to recommend the new store. You can read all about it here:

CLICK ME


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Finally, if you'd like to wade in to WADING IN, you'll find some of my Super Bowl tips. CLICK HERE.

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