The Wet Rope Treatment

Those with sense don't need wet rope

Kelvin Wade | | January 02, 2008 15:50

When my mother would read about someone doing something foolish, she used to always say, 'What that person needs is a good beating with a wet rope.'

I chuckle when I think about it because when I look at the new laws in 2008, the majority just seems like common sense that could've been dealt with via the wet rope. You almost hate to trouble any type of law enforcement agency with the task of enforcing these things.

Now Highway 12 is a Safety Enhancement Double Fine Zone for all of your reckless, unsafe drivers. There have been too many tragedies on that stretch of road. Perhaps the idea of doubled penalties will deter dangerous drivers. I would've preferred public flogging but if this does the trick, so be it.

Clueless folks who leave their pets in hot vehicles unattended will face stiffer penalties and animal control officers will be allowed to break into the cars. Another pet-related law offers a fine for tethering one's dog to a stationary object for more than three hours.

In lieu of fines, I would've liked the owners to have to endure the same conditions or of course, there's always the wet rope.

SB 7, which prohibits smoking in vehicles with minors, has always rubbed me wrong. It reeks of nanny government but beyond that it's one of those laws that may never accomplish what it sets out to do. Unless of course what it sets out to do is make us feel like we're protecting young lungs.

Never mind the fact that apparently puffing away around your baby's crib with no windows open in your home is fine. Just don't let the law see you do it in your car even with the windows down. Oh wait. The catch is the police have to stop you for some other violation. So as long as you're not violating any other rule of the road, go ahead and let junior inhale that secondhand smoke.

Then there's SB13, which goes into effect July 1. It requires motorists to use hands-free devices while talking on cell phones. I call this the freeing-up-the-other-hand-for-something-else law. So I drive with my left hand, talk on my Bluetooth headset and hold my Diet Mountain Dew can with my right hand and I won't be distracted. Whew. Good looking out.

Another law, SB33, which also goes into effect July 1, completely bans minors from driving and talking on any device. Don't complain, kids. I would've restricted you to driving skateboards, Segways and 10-speeds.

Speaking of bicycles, our own Assemblywoman Lois Wolk championed AB 478, which requires bicyclists to use lights and reflectors while riding on highways, sidewalks or bicycle paths during darkness. Look, if you're dressed in dark clothes riding a bike in darkness with no lights or reflectors, either you're on a mission to prove Darwin right or you're a candidate for my mom's wet rope.

What higher priority is there for Fairfield police than police smokers, cell phone users and bike riders?

California's minimum wage has risen to $8 an hour, tying us for second in the country. That just places minimum wage workers right below the 2008 federal poverty line for a family of three. In this case, the wet rope is for anyone who believes that's a livable wage in California. Happy New Year. Peace.


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Why shouldn't California hold the nation's first primary? That's my topic in the Daily Republic's The Other Side blog, which you can reach right HERE.


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My brother Tony and I bring out the '07 dead in Wading In.