A Starting Point
Treating folks with respect
By Kelvin Wade | | March 19, 2008 21:19 Published in the Daily Republic
I was prepared to savage pundits who believe voters are more concerned about Sen. Barack Obama's associates like the Rev. Jeremiah Wright than the plethora of issues facing Americans right now.
A funny thing happened on the way to the keyboard. I listened to Barack Obama's heartfelt address on race.
My own father was a complicated man when it came to matters of race. He grew up in segregated East Texas, graduated from San Augustine Colored High School and joined the U.S. Navy. He pledged to defend a country that at the time wouldn't defend his civil rights. He told me it was the best paying option for a young black at the time. Patriotism came later.
In what might seem like a contradiction, my father revered Martin Luther King yet listened to Nation of Islam leader Elijah Muhammad's speeches. Looking back on it, it's not so shocking. He knew the reality of discrimination and racism but also embraced the social conservatism of self-help and personal responsibility.
Old-school black men like my father were challenging black folks to stand up and act right privately long before Bill Cosby did it publicly.
I recall him telling me that he had no real white friends, that he mistrusted whites. I'd always felt that he didn't like white people but it was nothing he'd ever said. I was puzzled because he could strike up a conversation with anyone.
He retired from the Navy after 28 years, I worked with him at his convenience store in Vallejo and saw him warmly interact with all kinds of people.
Eventually, I believe he grew to accept white people in part because three of his sons selected mates who happened to be white. His grandchildren are biracial.
My best friend Dan has always told me that his dad was prejudiced. He told me it was the way his father was raised in North Carolina. His father may be prejudiced, but I wouldn't know it from experience.
He was a friend to my parents and always treated (and still treats) me with respect.
Ever since Obama's speech, I've had this memory, this image stuck in my head. It's my father walking our dog, stopping down the street to chat with my best friend's dad. It was a normal thing to see them talk. But now when I look back on it, I see it as something more profound.
Standing down the street was a black man who didn't trust white people and a white man who didn't necessarily like blacks. They still carried their racial baggage. But they were talking and laughing, their similarities as dads had superseded their differences.
My father couldn't change the fact that he was raised in the segregated South and treated as a second-class citizen. He was raised to not trust white folks. My friend's dad didn't choose to be raised in an environment that bred white racism. Yet they both had the ability to set aside their baggage to get along.
It would be wonderful to weed out the prejudices and biases that take root in our hearts. But until we're able to do that, perhaps the best we can do is to just treat people with respect. Perhaps that's one of the keys to a more perfect union. Peace.
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NOTES: Where do I start? I feel like I could go on forever. This column was difficult to write because there was so much that needed to be said that simply could not fit into six hundred words.
My father was a complex man. We had many discussions on race. He was a black history buff and had a library of books on race. I recall a homework assignment he helped me with about Toussaint L'Ouverture who was a black man who led a anti-slavery revolt in Haiti and freed the slaves and seized control of the island. He was called the "black Napoleon." This was heavy stuff for a second grader.
It's interesting that my father didn't pass this distrust of whites on to his sons. Part of that was probably the influence of our mother who didn't share his overt distrust. Our mother was interesting in that she was born in the same town as our father, just two years after him and grew up in similar circumstances. Yet, she was able to emerge from the experience without the animosity our father carried. Why was that? She'd been discriminated against. It's fascinating how the two of them turned out.
But her forgiveness and tolerance was passed on to us. And I'm thankful for that.
My dad got to see the world in the Navy. He also had the opportunity to command white men. He told me about going to South Africa in the 60's. He said it was the most racist place he'd ever been to. And he said the blacks there were amazed that he had white people under his command on the ship. And believe it or not, one of my father's duties in the navy was teaching a class on race relations!
In my opinion, my father's second wife wasn't a great influence on him. While I have no problems with black folks being proud of black history and culture, you run into a problem when you feel its necessary to denigrate other races. It was painfully obvious that his wife disapproved of interracial relationships. And there was a time when she either said something or wrote a letter to my younger brother's white wife talking about her views. This infuriated me. I'd recently been over to their house with my white girlfriend. So I confronted my father about it. I wrote him a long letter and followed it up with a phone call. I wasn't going to stand for his wife playing racebaiting games with any of us. And my father agreed.
Oh, there's more....there's lots more....but i'll save it for later.
Anyway, I thought it was interesting that me and Dan's dads got along without a problem, even though they harbored this deep animosity. This is something that anyone can do. Anyone can, if they choose, to look past things like race, gender, sexual orientation and any other thing that may divide them from someone. We can look past those things to our common humanity.
I spoke with my brother, Tony, about the Obama preacher flap. He was as moved by Obama's speech as I was. And if you haven't seen the speech in its entirety, I think every American needs to.
CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE SPEECH
Bill Maher made the point on MSNBC's Hardball yesterday that white people are wholly unfamiliar with what goes on in black churches. He said something like, "They could be preaching jihad in there every Sunday and white people wouldn't know." LOL It's a funny line but it's true. The black church is not the staid, boring, by the numbers service that most people probably think of when they think of a church sermon. It can be lively. Raucuous. And the tone of the preacher may be angry. He may be shouting. He may be exaggerating. Still, I'm not here to defend the Rev. Jeremiah Wright. Time Magazine has an interesting article on the subject HERE.
My brother and I agreed that if Barack Obama is not acceptable to white people, then there will never be a black President of the United States. And it may sound defeatist to say so, but before Obama ran, I never believed there ever would be a black President. I don't say that as a cynic but we've only had three black Senators since Reconstruction. We currently have one. We've only had four black governors in the history of the country. And Gloria Steinem and others have said that gender is the most limiting factor in American life. Women who say that and agree with it often point to the fact that blacks got the right to vote before women. Did they really? Ever heard of poll tests, poll taxes, and literacy tests? I'm not trying to get into the 'my plight is worse than your plight' fight. But since Steinem mentioned it, I'd like to say that the Senate has 16 women in it right now and 1 black. There have been 4 black governors in the history of this country and 30 female governors, with 8 current female governors.
For a black to win the presidency, he has to make sure he's not 'too black.' A plain spoken, word mangling, syntax obliterating white politician like George W. Bush can get elected. A black politician who spoke ebonics would never be elected. For a black to win the presidency he would have to be light skinned. Fortunately, for Obama, he is. Why do I say that? Because if you look throughout history, it helps. Colorism is alive and well and it exists within the black community as well. A black candidate for President must be non-threatening to white people. (Which is why Obama's preacher hurts him so badly.) A black candidate has to walk a tightrope of being "black enough" for blacks to accept and not "too black" for whites to accept. It is a shame that if blacks overwhelmingly support a black, it makes him suspect to whites. And it's also true that if a black is overwhelmingly supported by whites, it makes the black community view him as a sell out. If Barack Obama is deemed 'too black' by whites to elect, then what black is electable? What hoops would a black candidate have to jump through to get elected?
But back to the point of this week's column. There is a way forward and its to treat each other with respect. It would be great if we eliminated all of the racism and prejudice from our hearts. If we could wipe away 400 years of history, it would be something. But that history is a fact. Racism is a fact. Prejudice and discrimination is a fact. And it's not just black and white. There's the whole illegal immigration debate and the prejudices that snake into the debate from time to time. There are Asians who are resented for their success both academically and professionally, especially stores that cater to black and brown people. There are prejudices both among and towards Arab-Americans and Arab immigrants. There are prejudices against and from Muslims and other religions. Our memories, our feelings, our hearts are often brimming with injustices and slights and many of us have had horrible things come to mind and spill from our lips in the past.
We can choose to acknowledge all of that stuff is there, but just treat each other with respect. Recognize our similarities and not just our differences.
Anyway, I've rambled way too much.
You can check out the Other Side DR Blog for my take on a Solano County Jail inmate who is suing the county for a lack of sunshine and fresh air.
The Wading In Blog has my take on a TV phenomenon that drives me nuts. Peace out.
A funny thing happened on the way to the keyboard. I listened to Barack Obama's heartfelt address on race.
My own father was a complicated man when it came to matters of race. He grew up in segregated East Texas, graduated from San Augustine Colored High School and joined the U.S. Navy. He pledged to defend a country that at the time wouldn't defend his civil rights. He told me it was the best paying option for a young black at the time. Patriotism came later.
In what might seem like a contradiction, my father revered Martin Luther King yet listened to Nation of Islam leader Elijah Muhammad's speeches. Looking back on it, it's not so shocking. He knew the reality of discrimination and racism but also embraced the social conservatism of self-help and personal responsibility.
Old-school black men like my father were challenging black folks to stand up and act right privately long before Bill Cosby did it publicly.
I recall him telling me that he had no real white friends, that he mistrusted whites. I'd always felt that he didn't like white people but it was nothing he'd ever said. I was puzzled because he could strike up a conversation with anyone.
He retired from the Navy after 28 years, I worked with him at his convenience store in Vallejo and saw him warmly interact with all kinds of people.
Eventually, I believe he grew to accept white people in part because three of his sons selected mates who happened to be white. His grandchildren are biracial.
My best friend Dan has always told me that his dad was prejudiced. He told me it was the way his father was raised in North Carolina. His father may be prejudiced, but I wouldn't know it from experience.
He was a friend to my parents and always treated (and still treats) me with respect.
Ever since Obama's speech, I've had this memory, this image stuck in my head. It's my father walking our dog, stopping down the street to chat with my best friend's dad. It was a normal thing to see them talk. But now when I look back on it, I see it as something more profound.
Standing down the street was a black man who didn't trust white people and a white man who didn't necessarily like blacks. They still carried their racial baggage. But they were talking and laughing, their similarities as dads had superseded their differences.
My father couldn't change the fact that he was raised in the segregated South and treated as a second-class citizen. He was raised to not trust white folks. My friend's dad didn't choose to be raised in an environment that bred white racism. Yet they both had the ability to set aside their baggage to get along.
It would be wonderful to weed out the prejudices and biases that take root in our hearts. But until we're able to do that, perhaps the best we can do is to just treat people with respect. Perhaps that's one of the keys to a more perfect union. Peace.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
NOTES: Where do I start? I feel like I could go on forever. This column was difficult to write because there was so much that needed to be said that simply could not fit into six hundred words.
My father was a complex man. We had many discussions on race. He was a black history buff and had a library of books on race. I recall a homework assignment he helped me with about Toussaint L'Ouverture who was a black man who led a anti-slavery revolt in Haiti and freed the slaves and seized control of the island. He was called the "black Napoleon." This was heavy stuff for a second grader.
It's interesting that my father didn't pass this distrust of whites on to his sons. Part of that was probably the influence of our mother who didn't share his overt distrust. Our mother was interesting in that she was born in the same town as our father, just two years after him and grew up in similar circumstances. Yet, she was able to emerge from the experience without the animosity our father carried. Why was that? She'd been discriminated against. It's fascinating how the two of them turned out.
But her forgiveness and tolerance was passed on to us. And I'm thankful for that.
My dad got to see the world in the Navy. He also had the opportunity to command white men. He told me about going to South Africa in the 60's. He said it was the most racist place he'd ever been to. And he said the blacks there were amazed that he had white people under his command on the ship. And believe it or not, one of my father's duties in the navy was teaching a class on race relations!
In my opinion, my father's second wife wasn't a great influence on him. While I have no problems with black folks being proud of black history and culture, you run into a problem when you feel its necessary to denigrate other races. It was painfully obvious that his wife disapproved of interracial relationships. And there was a time when she either said something or wrote a letter to my younger brother's white wife talking about her views. This infuriated me. I'd recently been over to their house with my white girlfriend. So I confronted my father about it. I wrote him a long letter and followed it up with a phone call. I wasn't going to stand for his wife playing racebaiting games with any of us. And my father agreed.
Oh, there's more....there's lots more....but i'll save it for later.
Anyway, I thought it was interesting that me and Dan's dads got along without a problem, even though they harbored this deep animosity. This is something that anyone can do. Anyone can, if they choose, to look past things like race, gender, sexual orientation and any other thing that may divide them from someone. We can look past those things to our common humanity.
I spoke with my brother, Tony, about the Obama preacher flap. He was as moved by Obama's speech as I was. And if you haven't seen the speech in its entirety, I think every American needs to.
CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE SPEECH
Bill Maher made the point on MSNBC's Hardball yesterday that white people are wholly unfamiliar with what goes on in black churches. He said something like, "They could be preaching jihad in there every Sunday and white people wouldn't know." LOL It's a funny line but it's true. The black church is not the staid, boring, by the numbers service that most people probably think of when they think of a church sermon. It can be lively. Raucuous. And the tone of the preacher may be angry. He may be shouting. He may be exaggerating. Still, I'm not here to defend the Rev. Jeremiah Wright. Time Magazine has an interesting article on the subject HERE.
My brother and I agreed that if Barack Obama is not acceptable to white people, then there will never be a black President of the United States. And it may sound defeatist to say so, but before Obama ran, I never believed there ever would be a black President. I don't say that as a cynic but we've only had three black Senators since Reconstruction. We currently have one. We've only had four black governors in the history of the country. And Gloria Steinem and others have said that gender is the most limiting factor in American life. Women who say that and agree with it often point to the fact that blacks got the right to vote before women. Did they really? Ever heard of poll tests, poll taxes, and literacy tests? I'm not trying to get into the 'my plight is worse than your plight' fight. But since Steinem mentioned it, I'd like to say that the Senate has 16 women in it right now and 1 black. There have been 4 black governors in the history of this country and 30 female governors, with 8 current female governors.
For a black to win the presidency, he has to make sure he's not 'too black.' A plain spoken, word mangling, syntax obliterating white politician like George W. Bush can get elected. A black politician who spoke ebonics would never be elected. For a black to win the presidency he would have to be light skinned. Fortunately, for Obama, he is. Why do I say that? Because if you look throughout history, it helps. Colorism is alive and well and it exists within the black community as well. A black candidate for President must be non-threatening to white people. (Which is why Obama's preacher hurts him so badly.) A black candidate has to walk a tightrope of being "black enough" for blacks to accept and not "too black" for whites to accept. It is a shame that if blacks overwhelmingly support a black, it makes him suspect to whites. And it's also true that if a black is overwhelmingly supported by whites, it makes the black community view him as a sell out. If Barack Obama is deemed 'too black' by whites to elect, then what black is electable? What hoops would a black candidate have to jump through to get elected?
But back to the point of this week's column. There is a way forward and its to treat each other with respect. It would be great if we eliminated all of the racism and prejudice from our hearts. If we could wipe away 400 years of history, it would be something. But that history is a fact. Racism is a fact. Prejudice and discrimination is a fact. And it's not just black and white. There's the whole illegal immigration debate and the prejudices that snake into the debate from time to time. There are Asians who are resented for their success both academically and professionally, especially stores that cater to black and brown people. There are prejudices both among and towards Arab-Americans and Arab immigrants. There are prejudices against and from Muslims and other religions. Our memories, our feelings, our hearts are often brimming with injustices and slights and many of us have had horrible things come to mind and spill from our lips in the past.
We can choose to acknowledge all of that stuff is there, but just treat each other with respect. Recognize our similarities and not just our differences.
Anyway, I've rambled way too much.
You can check out the Other Side DR Blog for my take on a Solano County Jail inmate who is suing the county for a lack of sunshine and fresh air.
The Wading In Blog has my take on a TV phenomenon that drives me nuts. Peace out.
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