The War on Santa


The War on Santa

By Kelvin Wade
The Other Side, Fairfield Daily Republic
December 24, 2009

Have you heard that Santa Claus is a bad role model for children? It seems that some people worry that Santa promotes obesity and he sends the wrong message to today's youth. Some argue the iconic figure should be updated to promote a healthier lifestyle.

For a man who drinks 37,500,000 gallons of milk and eats 1.2 billion cookies in one night every year just be thankful Santa isn't bedridden,
on oxygen and the North Pole Fire Department doesn't have to knock a wall down from his house just to get him out to his sleigh.

Santa is supposed to be plump and jolly. When he laughs his belly is supposed to shake like a bowlful of jelly. Santa with six pack abs is just disturbing. He's not supposed to be a Twilight werewolf; he's supposed to be a kind, rotund, white-haired, old man.

A recent Washington Post story interviewed members of Santa America, an organization of professional Santas. The president of the organization says that two-thirds of his members are obese or overweight and he wants to change that. Let me get this straight. He's shocked that fat guys want to play Santa Claus?

But a Dr. Nathan Grills, public health fellow at Monash University's Department of Epidemiology and Preventive Medicine, actually published a paper on this subject in the British Medical Journal. He blasts Santa for promoting obesity, smoking, drunk driving and bad hygiene.

One of Grills' tidbits: 'Despite the risks of high-speed air travel, Santa is never depicted wearing a seatbelt or helmet.'

Well, why stop there? Surely PETA must have something to say about him overworking those nine tiny flying reindeer. And what does the Occupational Safety and Health Administration have to say about those elves slaving away making toys at the North Pole? Should they unionize? What does the FBI and local law enforcement have to say about the repeated breaking and entering Santa does worldwide on Christmas Eve? Surely the IRS is interested in the tax implications of all of this gift giving.

Are children really getting all of these messages from Santa Claus? I think kids love Santa because he gives away free toys. Period. They couldn't care less if Santa was fat, thin, short, tall, a drunk or secretly in the closet.

Every year we hear about the so-called War on Christmas where some think Jesus, the reason for the season, is being systematically removed. But what about the War on Santa?

It's crazy because the fictional character who most promotes obesity isn't even obese himself. I'm talking about the most recognizable fictional character in the world. Ronald McDonald.

Santa is supposed to be plump. Even two of the most high-profile supporters of anti-obesity healthy lifestyles defended Santa on Oprah Winfrey's recent Christmas special. When Winfrey asked President Obama and the First Lady if they were going to leave apple slices and produce from their garden out for Santa on Christmas Eve, they replied:

Mrs. Obama: 'Santa generally likes cookies and milk.'

President Obama: 'Yeah, I mean, Santa -- Santa eats what he wants.'

Leave the fat Christmas icon alone. Merry Christmas.

Peace on earth.

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