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Thursday, May 16, 2013

My most awkward teacher moment
By Kelvin Wade
From page A11 | May 16, 2013 | Leave Comment

Mr. Scherr, my English teacher at Armijo High School, was just one of the people who responded positively to my column last week on teacher appreciation. However, writing about those influential teachers made me think of rather strange incident I had with a junior high teacher I had who we’ll call “Mr. Simmons.”

Back in the 1990′s, Mr. Simmons invited me to speak to his class at a local middle school. It went off the rails early as he introduced me to the class as a stellar former eighth-grade student that had written an excellent essay on the attempted assassination of President Reagan.

After my talk, I quietly informed Mr. Simmons that I was in the 10th grade at Armijo when Reagan was shot. But I thanked him for giving me credit for someone’s awesome essay. We laughed about it. Teachers have tons of students and it’s easy to get them mixed up.

A year later, Mr. Simmons had moved on to another local middle school and asked me if I’d come to speak to a couple of his classes. Again I agreed. At the time I was seeing a woman we’ll call “Mary.” She asked if she could attend as well. Mr. Simmons had no problem with it, so it was all set.

Between the time I agreed to speak to Mr. Simmons’ class and the appointed date, Mary broke up with me. Even though the breakup wasn’t mutual we remained friends. Mary asked if she could still come with me to Mr. Simmons’ class and I told her she could.

We went in and she sat in the back of the room and I spoke to the class. After the students left for lunch, Mr. Simmons, Mary and I had lunch in the back of the classroom. My mouth dropped open when Mary began asking Mr. Simmons if he was married and if he was seeing anyone.

I thought, “Hold up! No she is not flipping her hair, batting her eyes and hitting on my middle-school teacher right in front of me less than a week after dumping me!”

I somehow managed to deliver another talk to a class and we left. On the way out to the car Mary asked me if I’d hook her up with Mr. Simmons. To which I replied, “Heck no.” Ewww.

(I recently told my significantly better half Cathi this story and she said, “Why wouldn’t you hook them up?” What kind of question is that? Of course I couldn’t expect Cathi to understand. After all, she hooked her ex-husband up with one of her good friends. I wasn’t down with that Jerry Springer stuff.)

Back to the story. About a week or so after the incident Mary flew to Georgia for a week to visit her ailing father and asked me if I would water her plants and take care of her cat while she was away. I agreed. So while I was over at her apartment getting bit by her ungrateful cat, the phone rings. I answer it.

It’s Mr. Simmons!

What are the odds? He was as startled to hear my voice as I was to hear his. No doubt he was thinking Mary and I were still together and she was two-timing me. Why else would I be answering her phone? We had one of the shortest, most awkward conversations in telephonic history.

Mary and I got back together and I never asked her about it. Still I wish when I thought of this middle-school teacher I only thought of homework and lectures. But part of me always pictures him canoodling my ex. At least I know Mr. Scherr never did that. Peace.
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