Old enough to know better


Thursday, July 11, 2013

Old enough to know better


By Kelvin Wade
From page A11 | July 11, 2013 | Leave Comment

Several times I’ve had older readers write to me about a column and use racist and homophobic slurs in their emails. Most seemed to be unrepentant bigots. A couple seemed as though they didn’t know any better.

Those emails and some recent public incidents make me wonder, should elderly bigots be given a pass?

    Recently, butter queen Paula Deen saw her empire crumble after lawsuits that she discriminated against black employees. Before her weepy “Today” show apology, she released a statement to TMZ explaining that she grew up in the racist South and dropping the N-word was commonplace.
    This past spring, during CBS’ “Survivor” season finale, former contestant Rudy Boesch, an 85-year-old former Navy SEAL, repeatedly used a homophobic slur on air, which no one condemned.
    Former New York Rep. Anthony Weiner, who is running for New York mayor against a lesbian candidate, got into hot water when an elderly voter told him she wasn’t voting for “the dyke.” Weiner told her she “shouldn’t talk that way about people.” When she apologized, Weiner responded, “It’s OK. It’s not your fault.”

Many people have grandfathers and grandmothers and even parents who say racist or homophobic things. Frequently, their archaic views are simply dismissed or they’re given a pass due to their age. We think because they grew up in the midst of racial bigotry and homophobia, they can’t change. “It’s not your fault,” Weiner says.

Except it is her fault. We’re not doing anyone any favors by grandfathering in grandpa’s bigotry.

Wife beaters don’t get a pass for growing up in an abusive household. Men who grew up when sexual harassment was the norm with “girls” in the workplace don’t get a pass for sexist remarks today. Societal norms change.

Now, it’s understandable if an elderly person who grew up in the racist deep South has a prejudiced view of race relations. It would be hard to grow up in that toxic stew and not be seasoned by the culture around you. And it’s true that some don’t know a term that they’re using is dated and offensive. Also, I’m not one of those people who believe everyone has to be open-minded and accepting of everyone else. It would be nice, but this is America where it’s not illegal to be a bigot.

But how about not being a jerk? Even if your views haven’t evolved over the years where you can embrace or at least tolerate different races or sexual orientations, how about just common decency? Growing up, my best friend told me his dad was a racist but I couldn’t tell because his dad treated me decently.

Some believe you should give them a pass. “They’re old.” “It would be awkward to correct them.” “They’re set in their ways.”

One of the reasons why you might want to check them is if you have kids. Do you want your children hearing what grandpa and grandma are saying and think it’s OK? My friend Pam had this difficult conversation with her mother-in-law, telling her never to use derogatory language in front of Pam’s child. Her mother-in-law honored that.

We shouldn’t co-sign bigotry by letting people chalk up bad behavior to their age. “Hey, I’ve been a bigot for 60 years!” is not a defense. It’s something to be ashamed of. Peace.

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