CSI: My House
Originally published Thursday, December 14, 2006
It was a horrific crime. I'm a seasoned investigator of these types of homicides, but even I was shaken by what I saw. The body was found wrapped in a blanket on the bed in my spare bedroom. The blonde girl was nude, and she had no arms or legs. On the back of her head was the marking "2002 TM R & C" and on her back was simply the word, "CHINA." I recovered a shredded skirt and a tattered jean jacket nearby.
I left the scene and spoke with a 9-year-old girl (name withheld). She identified the body only as "Cloe." So as of now, she's known as Cloe Doe. The witness appeared a bit unnerved by the fate of her friend but answered my questions.
She'd last seen Cloe days before her disappearance. They'd been playing together. When I asked her if she knew anyone who'd want to harm her, she answered, "Theo." She told me that he always acted suspicious around her and she saw him lick her once.
When I asked her about another potential suspect, Theo's brother Tyson, she told me that she felt Tyson was too lethargic to harm Cloe. And he tried to keep his brother in line. I thanked her for her cooperation.
Next, I confronted the two suspects individually. Tyson was 4 years old, a bit pudgy around the middle and definitely lethargic. I thought maybe I could get Tyson to implicate his brother. I knew he frequently bullied Theo, controlling him by biting on his ears.
Tyson was a tough nut to crack. He didn't lawyer up like I expected him to, but he wasn't giving me anything either. He wouldn't answer any of my questions. He just sat there panting like some dumb animal, like he had no clue as to what I was talking about.
So I moved on to Theo. He was wirier than Tyson with beady eyes that avoided mine. I looked at his rap sheet. He had priors. He'd once eaten half a $5 bill, snacked on his own poop and was known to be so greedy he couldn't stop himself from licking hot sauce, even tough the condiment made him shake his head vigorously.
And when I used words like "eat" and "peckish" around him, he became agitated, wagging his tail, licking his lips and whining.
Theo was arrested and charged in the death and dismemberment of Cloe Doe. The 9-year-old proved to be the star witness, testifying that Theo had chewed the foot of a baby two weeks earlier. She also identified the spot on the bed where Cloe's remains were found as the place where Theo normally slept.
Theo's flimsy defense was that if he did happen to snack on the girl's limbs it was because he'd been placed on a diet after a recent vet trip found him overweight. He was ravenous and the girl's limbs may have reminded him of Snausages.
The jury deliberated for only an hour.
In a stunning example of jury nullification, Theo was acquitted of the charges. The 9-year-old was arrested and charged with leaving her dolls on the floor after she'd been told time and time again to pick them up to prevent just such an incident.
So Lauryn's Cloe doll is unusable. Moral: Kids pick up your toys, especially if hungry dogs like my Beagles have access to them.
Murderous rumblings in the home
By Kelvin Wade
It was a horrific crime. I'm a seasoned investigator of these types of homicides, but even I was shaken by what I saw. The body was found wrapped in a blanket on the bed in my spare bedroom. The blonde girl was nude, and she had no arms or legs. On the back of her head was the marking "2002 TM R & C" and on her back was simply the word, "CHINA." I recovered a shredded skirt and a tattered jean jacket nearby.
I left the scene and spoke with a 9-year-old girl (name withheld). She identified the body only as "Cloe." So as of now, she's known as Cloe Doe. The witness appeared a bit unnerved by the fate of her friend but answered my questions.
She'd last seen Cloe days before her disappearance. They'd been playing together. When I asked her if she knew anyone who'd want to harm her, she answered, "Theo." She told me that he always acted suspicious around her and she saw him lick her once.
When I asked her about another potential suspect, Theo's brother Tyson, she told me that she felt Tyson was too lethargic to harm Cloe. And he tried to keep his brother in line. I thanked her for her cooperation.
Next, I confronted the two suspects individually. Tyson was 4 years old, a bit pudgy around the middle and definitely lethargic. I thought maybe I could get Tyson to implicate his brother. I knew he frequently bullied Theo, controlling him by biting on his ears.
Tyson was a tough nut to crack. He didn't lawyer up like I expected him to, but he wasn't giving me anything either. He wouldn't answer any of my questions. He just sat there panting like some dumb animal, like he had no clue as to what I was talking about.
So I moved on to Theo. He was wirier than Tyson with beady eyes that avoided mine. I looked at his rap sheet. He had priors. He'd once eaten half a $5 bill, snacked on his own poop and was known to be so greedy he couldn't stop himself from licking hot sauce, even tough the condiment made him shake his head vigorously.
And when I used words like "eat" and "peckish" around him, he became agitated, wagging his tail, licking his lips and whining.
Theo was arrested and charged in the death and dismemberment of Cloe Doe. The 9-year-old proved to be the star witness, testifying that Theo had chewed the foot of a baby two weeks earlier. She also identified the spot on the bed where Cloe's remains were found as the place where Theo normally slept.
Theo's flimsy defense was that if he did happen to snack on the girl's limbs it was because he'd been placed on a diet after a recent vet trip found him overweight. He was ravenous and the girl's limbs may have reminded him of Snausages.
The jury deliberated for only an hour.
In a stunning example of jury nullification, Theo was acquitted of the charges. The 9-year-old was arrested and charged with leaving her dolls on the floor after she'd been told time and time again to pick them up to prevent just such an incident.
So Lauryn's Cloe doll is unusable. Moral: Kids pick up your toys, especially if hungry dogs like my Beagles have access to them.
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