Ho Ho No


Playing Santa is in the details

By Kelvin Wade | | December 18, 2008 16:42

It's time for some practical advice regarding Santa Claus portrayals. If you can't get to the mall for your children to see Santa, it's probably best the kids don't actually see Santa. You can have them write letters Santa answers. Or shoot Santa an e-mail because I hear the North Pole has wi-fi now.

You can even have your children set out the time honored glass of milk and cookies on Christmas Eve. It'll go a long way to keeping the magic alive. When the kids awaken to see an empty glass and trace evidence of cookie crumbs, they're amazed. It's like Santa CSI.

If at all possible, leave the actual Santa playing to the professionals. Maintaining the integrity of the Santa Claus illusion is harder than it seems at first glance. No, you don't have to be Criss Angel to be Kris Kringle but you do have to realize, as most magicians can attest, children can be a tougher audience than adults.

I'm not talking about playing Santa for an office party or something. I'm talking about keeping the belief alive for youngsters.

Now if you must have Santa come visit your children, please have a friend play the role of Santa. Nine times out of 10 a kid is going to nail daddy playing Santa Claus. You can't count on your kids being as obtuse as Metropolis residents who can't seem to piece it together that Clark Kent is gone whenever Superman shows. Here's Santa. Where's daddy? Hmmm . . .

Pulling off an in-home Santa visit is a tough sell. You're burdened with a back story that says you fly a sleigh with eight tiny reindeer. And you're supposed to arrive and depart by chimney.

Nowhere in Clausian mythology does it say that Santa walks in the front door and visits kids before Christmas or on Christmas morn for that matter.

That's where the myth aids you. Santa acts when children are sleeping so there's a reason why they don't see him. But some people just have to have the visit.

At least get the details right. This part is politically incorrect but Santa is an older white man. Kids know the mythology so if Santa is black, Asian, female, has an accent, cusses or uses slang you'll blow it.

Fatter is better. Santa is more Michael Moore than Michael Phelps. Height isn't nearly as important as girth. Pillows stuffed in the suit aren't going to fool today's children.

If you've got a real beard, you're way ahead of the game. Don't get the cheap fake beard that looks like you loosely strung a bag of cotton balls to your chin. Today's kids are growing up with CGI and PlayStation 3 quality video games as the norm. Your Ray Harryhausen stop motion, Pong-era special effects aren't going to cut it.

The less talk the better. 'Ho! Ho! Ho! Have you been good? What would you like for Christmas?' Finish up with a 'Merry Christmas' and get out of there. (Santa never says 'Happy Holidays').

Remember, if you screw up Santa Claus with a child, you're taking out the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy at the same time. It's a package deal.

Peace on Earth.

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You can't be Santa if you're built like Don Knotts. Too many people think they can throw on the costume and pull off a believable Santa Claus but they find themselves in trouble. You only have one shot at it with a child. If they catch you, then you've pulled back the curtain and made them grow up a heck of a lot faster than they needed to.

Do you like movie remakes? Check out the Wading In Blog for my take.

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